What Kind of Love is This?

In the past two months, I have been blessed to be considered for two tremendous opportunities for ministry. The first was having my third book seriously considered for publication by five major publishing firms in the Christian market. I have responded to their requests for additional material and am waiting for their decisions with great anticipation. Thanks to so many of you who have come alongside me to pray for this dream to become a reality! Please continue praying!

I was made aware of the second opportunity three weeks ago when I received a request for a speaking DVD from the coordinator of the Women's Lifestyle Evangelism Conference. This event, sponsored by the SC Baptist Convention, is held each January over a three day period in three SC cities: Taylors, Myrtle Beach, and Columbia and is attended by thousands of women in each city. I was thrilled to be considered as a speaker for this event but also humbled to think God might entrust me with such a significant responsibility.

Over the next few weeks I prayed that God would search my heart and find me ready to share my story of His deliverance in this venue. I prayed that He would accept me as a vessel that can be shaped and used for His glory alone and that many lives will be eternally changed as others witness His power revealed through my brokenness and restoration.

On Tuesday night of this week I dreamed of my son, Stephen. The details of our conversation are blurred and incomplete but I remember the sweet joy of touching him, talking to him, and gazing once again at his beautiful face.

When I awoke Wednesday morning, one scene from the dream remained crystal clear in my mind. Stephen was seated in a chair in front of me and I was standing behind him with my hands resting on his shoulders. I was listening to a girl with long dark hair who was seated across from him talk about her life. She smiled and laughed as she spoke about superficial, unsatisfying relationships and nights filled with endless parties but my heart responded to the emptiness I saw in her eyes. When she asked Stephen if he remembered seeing her at a party several years ago, I broke my silence.

“I hear you talking about all of the fun you are having with your friends but I don’t see any happiness in your heart. Instead I see someone who is desperately searching for love and always coming up empty. You may be a stranger to me but I know you because I have felt the same way you do. If you would like to hear about it, I can tell you where to find the only Love capable of satisfying the yearning in your heart. And when you meet Him, you will never be empty again.”

Just as she nodded and leaned forward to hear more, I was jolted awake by the sound of my alarm clock. As I lay in bed considering the details of my dream, I felt certain that I would receive a call today telling me I had been selected as a speaker for the SC Women's Lifestyle Evangelism Conference.

I pushed the thought from my mind, afraid to believe in case it didn’t happen. I didn’t want to set myself up for disappointment. But the feeling persisted.

A couple of hours later, the emotional battle continued to rage within me while I unsuccessfully tried to refocus my attention on processing payroll for my company. Each time I felt excitement rising within my heart, I firmly pushed it back down with a reminder to be logical. There was no reason for me to believe that I would receive a call today or to think I would be selected from all of the amazing Christian women who could fill this role for Him. A perfectly reasonable argument but for the fact that God was telling me otherwise!

Finally, I couldn't endure the pressure any longer and walked to the other side of my building where I retrieved my cell phone from my purse. Immediately, I saw the voicemail indicator light flashing and my pulse quickened.

The voice in my heart rejoiced, “I told you so!”

I pressed the button to reveal the telephone number of the missed call. My knees felt weak and I sank into my desk chair when it came into view. It was Beth, the coordinator of the Lifestyle Evangelism Conference!

I returned her call and listened in amazement as she informed me that the committee had selected me to serve as a speaker for their January 2010 event. Next year, I will have the privilege of joining the SC Baptist Women's Evangelism team, popular author, speaker, and missionary Kim Hardy and a not-yet-announced but very special internationally-recognized Bible teacher and award-winning author (check back for an exciting future announcement!) to tell women, some like the one in my dream, where they can find a Love that will never leave them empty!

What kind of Love is this? It is the kind that doesn’t reject us and turn away when we struggle with doubts and insecurities or stumble over our pasts but tenderly takes our face in His hand, tilts our chin toward heaven and promises, “Child, listen to Me. I have everything under control and I love you!”

Thank you, God for the unspeakable privilege of serving You and for Your endless patience with me!